What is Swedish death cleaning and why does it feel so good?
I’m not a fan of stuff. I don’t like clutter…or knickknacks or tchotchkes. I don’t like to clean and I certainly don’t like to dust (tossed those damn Precious Moments years ago).
That’s probably part of it. But I’m also extremely mindful of how I spend my money. There’s a point in my life for many, many years where I couldn’t afford the stuff that I thought I wanted so I went without. But as I got older, I realized the stuff gets broken or lost or forgotten, and it becomes a waste of money.
I’d rather spend my money on experiences, traveling, trips, dinners out. And I’ve instilled this in my children. Today, most of the time they would rather spend their money on experiences and good meals.
From time to time I like to purge, I like to get rid of things that have accumulated and I have forgotten about. I have a basement full of that stuff. And growing up as the girls got older, they would take it upon themselves to periodically go through their closets and purge. They both learned to sell things on eBay and have both made money.
I’m a huge fan of any kind of organizational show like The Home Edit or Hoarders. During the pandemic, I learned the Marie Kondo way of folding my clothes, and I’ve never looked back. I love the feeling of knowing where my things are, and there’s no clutter and it gives me a sense of relief and it makes me feel lighter if that makes sense.
Too much stuff weighs you down and makes you wonder where am I going to put it and how am I going to organize it. Life is too short to concern myself with those thoughts. Who needs the added stress?
Recently, after becoming an empty nester, I figured it was time to really get down in the basement and do a heavy duty purge and go through old pictures and boxes full of mementos. Dozens of plastic totes filled with pictures, albums, baby clothes, toys, holiday decorations and all other sorts of knickknacks.
The task before me was overwhelming.
In my family, I am the family historian – the keeper of all the certificates, the old pictures, and the family tree. I’ve inherited my grandparent’s china, a grandfather clock, kitchenware, glassware, a personalized fur stole, a crystal punch bowl from an engagement party back in the 1940’s and jewelry too. What am I doing with these things? They sit hidden in my basement and when I’ve asked family members if they want certain things the answer is always “no.”
So I’m stuck with it out of guilt. And to be honest, guilt is the reason I said ‘yes’ to begin with. And now it’s my job to unburden myself.
I’m also very sentimental, so I keep a lot of things from when the girls were little and from when I was younger, but I know deep down I never wanted my children to have to go through all of those things someday when I’m not around. I didn’t want to burden them with that. They don’t want all my stuff, let alone all the stuff I’ve accumulated from passed relatives. They pick and choose what they want to keep and I’m happy with that. After all they will have their own stuff and their own memories to save.
A few months into my purging, I came across a video on social media mentioning the term “Swedish Death Cleaning”. I’d never heard of this term. I started to do some research to find out more information.
If you Google it, the first result will be a book entitled “The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning” by Margareta Magnusson
What is Swedish Death Cleaning? Come to find out Swedish death cleaning (dostadning in Swedish) is going through all of your stuff to either purge, pass on, or donate your things so that your family does not have to deal with it when you’re gone. It’s a way to live a more simplified, uncluttered life.
Brilliant! Who knew this is what I had started to do without knowing that there was a phrase for it?
In her book, the author speaks about her life experiences and how her and her family have accumulated so much over the years. She, too, did not want to burden her children (she dedicates the book to all 5 of them) with all of her belongings so she set a task of either tossing, selling, or giving away the things that no longer serve her. She states that “Death cleaning is not about dusting or mopping up; it is about a permanent form of organization that makes your everyday life run more smoothly.”
Well I’m all for that!
She gives advice on sorting through all of your things, suggesting a certain order as well. She also advises leaving the pictures and letters to the end because that takes longer as you wind up going down memory lane. I can attest to that there’s truth to it.
When my children were little I would take them to JC Penny or Picture People every three months for their first year of life and for every holiday. Then when they started school you had those pictures as well. And don’t forget all the pictures from the sports they played. After passing all the portraits out to various friends and family you’re left with dozens of extras from those huge portrait packages you bought. I kept them for 20 years.
I just recently went through them and it took days. I was texting pictures to both of my girls reminiscing with them about the various stages of their lives. I spread them all out and made sure I kept one of each and threw the others away – which kinda killed me because of not only the money I spent but they are pictures of my babies.
I kept all of their drawings and projects from school too. I asked the girls if they wanted any of them and they didn’t. I kept some and tossed the majority of them. I felt a little guilty at first, but I’m feeling good now.
I used to put pictures in photo albums (remember those?) and I took all of the pictures out and tossed the albums. I went through all of the pictures, tossed the doubles, tossed the pictures of people that I no longer have a relationship with, and tossed those random landscape pictures that no one would know what they were.
And why did I take so many pictures of animals at the zoo? I purchased photos organizers which were much more compact and I labeled them by year.
It was fun to look at some of those pictures and I have reconnected with some old friends by sending them the pictures via text or physically sending the pictures to them. This continues to be a work in progress.
I also had a bucket of baby clothes, Halloween costumes I made, and the girls’ first dance recital costumes. I’m in the process of selling the costumes and I found someone on Etsy that will make a stuffed animal out of the baby clothes.
Another bucket empty. I think I’ve emptied about a dozen plastic totes by now. They go out to the curb, lids and all, and in a matter of minutes someone takes them to fill them with their crap.
That stuff I mentioned before (grandparent’s china, a grandfather clock, kitchenware, glassware) is now all planning on being sold at the next yard sale. We’ve had numerous yard sales over the past two years. We even had one where everything was $1. All of our children and our relatives have tossed their stuff our way to sell for them as well. And although making a couple of bucks isn’t bad, it’s not the goal. I want this crap gone. Apparently it’s a family affair.
There’s also another book entitled “Nobody Wants Your Sh*t: The Art of Decluttering Before You Die.” I haven’t read that one but it’s along the same lines as “The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning” just not as gentle and more direct. The updated more modern version I guess.
We all have stuff. There’s no denying that. We live in an overconsumption and fast fashion culture, especially with social media now. But if you can’t keep track of your things or they are hiding somewhere in the basement or the attic, do they really mean that much to you? Do they have any value or serve a purpose in your life? Maybe someone else can use that lamp your aunt gave you, maybe your childhood friends would like that old photo of themselves from their 8th birthday party, maybe someone who loves vintage clothing would like your grandmother’s old dresses. Your things could be given a new life, not necessarily added to the landfill. Just don’t guilt anyone into taking your stuff.
And for crying out loud, stop saying ‘yes’ when Aunt Martha asks if you want her old china. Don’t be like me and take it out of guilt. A polite “No thank you” will suffice.
I’ve watched both of my parents clean out my grandparents’ houses – boxes and boxes full of memories and lifetime achievements. Not only was it time-consuming for my parents but I’m sure it was hard to throw some of those things away because there was a sentimental attachment to them. Sure they gave some things away, sold some things, but a lot of it went in the trash – furniture, clothes, housewares etc., that my grandparents accumulated over decades. I don’t want my children to have to endure that task. I hope my parents read this as a hint, wink wink.
Death cleaning can take years – a little here, a little there. It has become overwhelming for me at times and I would walk away for a few months and then come back to it. Alan and I have both kept things because we’re not ready to part with them just yet. We’ll reevaluate in a couple of years and make another decision then. No pressure to purge it all. I don’t even think I have that much. I’ve seen people with basements, attics, and garages full of belongings…all left for their families to go through.
I don’t consider myself old, I’m not on death’s door by any means, but why should I wait until I can’t do it on my own and then I’m forced to make quick decisions or someone makes the decisions for me while I watch. Do I really want to be 80 years old deciding whether or not to keep a pair of sneakers I ran my first marathon in? No, I don’t. I want to be checking another National Park off the list. But damned if I’m gonna get rid of my yearbooks full of 80’s big hair pictures. Or all of my medals. Not happening.
I don’t suggest getting rid of all of your things. Just be mindful about what you love and what possessions mean the most to you and what makes you happy. You want to surround yourself with the things that make you happy to be home in your own space. Honestly, it’s pretty empowering. Just keep in mind that at the end of the day, all of the prized possessions will be in a dumpster if it’s not sorted out before then. Right now you’re in control of your cherished belongings. Happy Swedish Death Cleaning!
P.S. – Let us know if you need help sorting. We have empty totes and plenty of big black garbage bags and we throw a hell of a yard sale.
Yes,I could relate. Sometimes it’s hard to throw out everything at once. So I usually start with the definite garbage and come back a week or 2 later for the 2nd go round. I call it, working in layers.
I can relate!! One of my projects that I have been way to slowly working on. I plan to get into it after retirement and way before 80 when I might need too much help! Thanks for sharing the ideas the thoughts and the books too 😊